As parents, we’re constantly exposed to stressful, high-stakes situations. Managing a household and caring for our children is challenging, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed or frazzled, you’re not alone.   

It is important to look at our past with honesty and compassion in order to identify the areas in our history that need healing so that they don’t become triggers in our present. Triggers lead to us having our own “fight, flight or freeze” response in high stress situations, and will make it difficult to remain calm and regulated in times of crisis — which our children desperately need. 

Amanda Purvis from Texas Christian University and the KPICD team describes our “buttons” are windows into our past. When children press the right “button” it can cause us to become triggered if we have unresolved trauma in that area. When we are triggered, we can be emotionally reactive and respond to our kids in a way that is damaging to the relationship in that moment.  

We want to encourage you with the following truths about being triggered. 

1. Having triggers doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. 

When we have children in our care, our lives can easily become consumed by taking care of our little ones. We can sometimes forget we have needs of our own, too! 

Just like our children have experienced trauma and developed triggers, we can have trouble. Jesus promises this world will have trouble, and it’s impossible to reach adulthood without feeling the direct or indirect impacts of sin in this world.  

If you find yourself being triggered by things your children say or what your spouse does, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent — or a bad Christian. It means you’re human, and you’ve lived in a fallen world. It is important you see your triggers as an indication of an area in your life you need to surrender to the Lord and pursue healing

2. Your circumstances aren’t the problem. Neither are you. 

When we’re in the thick of a busy week filled with school drop offs, hours of homework and countless sports practices, it’s easy to feel like we made a mistake. We tell ourselves that somewhere along the road to where we are now, we made a wrong turn.  

If only we had chosen to move to another city.  

If only we had picked a better job.  

If only we were better parents.  

When you’re triggered by small things like traffic or your child’s picky eating, it’s easy to find 1,000 things in our lives we wish we could change. While there are areas in our lives that may need growth, our triggers are usually symptoms of an emotional wound we need Jesus’ help to heal.

3. There’s a solution. 

There are plenty of resources available to help you manage your response to your triggers and heal the wound your reaction is stemming from. For further reading, we also recommend the following articles: 

• Emotional Triggers by Debbie Steele  

• Mommy Anger Management by Amber Lia 

We also recommend attending EPIC Training by 4KIDS, an online training specially designed to equip parents, caregivers and those in the community that work with children, to grow healthy connections, as they learn to navigate challenges with care and understanding. At its core, EPIC Training teaches the healing power of relationship combining the Word of God with evidence- based, trauma informed techniques. Available at no cost, you can register for the next EPIC Training here.  

Often, a combination of prayer and therapy is the most helpful strategy for helping adults overcome parenting triggers. God can heal any wound, and using certain therapy techniques can help us address and release the trauma we are storing in our bodies.  

KEY TAKEAWAY 

Being triggered doesn’t make you a bad parent. Invite Jesus into your situation, seek out biblical counsel and therapy services to help you address unresolved trauma, manage your emotions and responses.  

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” ~John 16:33 (NLT) 

APPLICATION 

Mealtime can be a great time to talk to your children about how much both you and Jesus love them. The next time you’re preparing dinner or packing lunches for school, invite your children to play Love Beyond Measure, a simple game to build connections in your household.  

Find this game and more now in the Everyday MomentsTM activities collection!