You and your spouse just welcomed your first foster child into your home. After the first few weeks, you begin to feel like you are in brand new territory.
Even though you raised your own children previously, this child doesn’t act the same way — and you may start to question what is wrong with them or whether you’re equipped for this new journey. And all too soon, conflicts over parenting start to arise between you and your spouse.
Before long, you may even find yourself wondering, “Can I really do this? Am I truly cut out to foster?”
If this is you, you are not alone.
Read on to learn some of the best parenting tips for foster parents who raised their own biological children.
Unexpected Challenges with Fostering a Child
Even for those who have been parents before, caring for children who have experienced trauma may feel like you are entering a different world. The toll that trauma takes means that your foster child’s brain has been wired for survival, rather than developing executive function and self-regulation skills.
Additionally, they have life experience often much older than what they should because of what they have been exposed to. This means that your 6-year-old foster child may have moments where they act more like a 2–3-year-old emotionally, while having the life experience of a teenager. This can feel confusing–but hope is not lost!
Parenting Tips to Raise Your Foster Child
1. Stay open and flexible
Parenting a child with a trauma history often requires a shift in mindset. It can be tricky to change the way you think about parenting, but your willingness to learn, adapt and grow will be one of the most powerful tools you have.
2. Stay focused on this particular child
Every child is different. What is true for one child is not necessarily true for another, so learn what makes your foster child tick and what makes them feel supported.
3. Stay present
Even moment-by-moment, things with your foster child might be different—one moment they are laughing along to the most recent Disney movie, and the next they are having a full meltdown because someone changed the song. Meet them where they are emotionally in the moment, not where their age suggests they “should” be.
4. Stay bold
Offering support to a child that may feel “too young” for their age or helping them with “simple” tasks your bio kids did independently at their age, might be counterproductive for you. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone if it helps your foster child feel safe and supported.
5. Stay rooted
It takes a village. Stay planted in your support network of family, friends, your church, and extracurricular activities to be poured into by others.
Key Takeaway
Parenting foster children who have experienced trauma requires a few more tools in a parent’s toolbelt to meet their needs and understand their behavior. Being willing to be flexible and to meet the child where they are at, is the key to overcoming any behavior that comes your way.
Activity
As another way of helping your child learn how unique they are, play YOU-nique! This easy game shows your child some of the ways God made them special. Find it now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
Application Questions
- What is a need expressed by your foster child that might be different from “typical” peers their age?
- What is one tip mentioned in this article that you can take action on today?
Key Verse
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, fostering the child in my care has been more overwhelming than I thought it would be, and I don’t feel prepared. Please equip me for this journey that You called me into so that I can help my child heal. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
