Navigating the long-term effects of abuse and abandonment in your child can feel overwhelming as a parent or caregiver.
So many questions race through your mind. Questions like:
- How could this happen to my child?
- What do I do now?
- Is my child ever going to be ok?
If you’re a family caregiver or a foster parent, you may be asking additional questions like:
- What did my child experience before coming into my care?
- How is their past trauma shaping their behavior and relationships today?
- How can I support healing when I wasn’t there when the hurt occurred?
- Will my child ever feel safe, secure, and whole?
And all the while you’re left caring for a child whose nervous system is operating in Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn (ex. people pleasing) responses with little or no guidance on how to respond.
In Part 11 of our Resilience Series, we want to help you better understand the effects of abuse and abandonment and offer you insights on how you can help your child heal, overcome, and apply the all-powerful Hope of God’s Word in their lives.
Effects of Abuse
Child abuse is an act by a parent or caregiver that results in, or places a child at risk for, serious harm. There are several types of abuse, including physical, emotional, and sexual.
- Physical: Any use of physical force that results in injury such as hitting, slapping or punching.
- Emotional: Patterns of behavior that cause harm to a child’s emotional health, self-esteem, or self-worth; this includes things like name-calling, threats, shaming, rejection, humiliation or consistent emotional unavailability.
- Sexual: Any attempted or completed sexual act or sexual contact with a child, such as fondling, penetration, or exposing a child to sexual acts or materials.
Abusing a child physically, emotionally or sexually sends a message to that child that “I’m bad” or “unworthy of love”. This is a message that can become internalized and influence how that child sees themselves, and others over time. Without healing support, some children may begin to live in ways that reflect these beliefs. They may choose friends (and later partners) who abuse or mistreat them or may even become abusers themselves.
The effects of abuse include a host of behavioral, emotional, or relational challenges. Children who have experienced abuse may struggle with sadness, anxiety, or feelings of shame. Some children may behave aggressively, repeating what was done to them, or becoming more tolerant of abuse from others; sometimes having difficulty receiving love. Trauma can also impact development, leading to regressive behaviors like bed-wetting or thumb-sucking well into their adolescent and teen years.
Effects of Abandonment
Abandonment of a child is when a parent or caregiver fails to provide care and support and leaves the child without protection or supervision. It is considered a more extreme form of neglect because the parent has relinquished their responsibilities and fails to maintain a relationship with the child. In many cases, there may also be legal implications for a parent who abandons a child. Here are two main types of abandonment that deeply hurt a child.
- Physical abandonment: This involves leaving a child alone or in an unsafe environment or failing to provide basic needs. It may include leaving a child with a friend, relative or caregiver but not providing or making reasonable attempts to provide financial or any type of support.
- Emotional abandonment: There are several events that comprise emotional abandonment. For example, when a parent neglects to maintain consistent meaningful contact with a child or is minimally involved in the child’s life. It may also include inconsistent or absent emotional support, limited nurturing, and withholding affection or attention.
The effects of abandonment on a child are deeply impactful. Abandoning a child, physically or emotionally, can leave them feeling rejected, insecure, or unsure of their worth or safety. Children with these experiences may show significant distress at separation, such as crying, tantrums, or fear when being dropped off at school or daycare. They may also experience nightmares, sleep difficulties, or fear of being alone at night.
Socially, they may withdraw from peers, for fear of being rejected. Some children may display extreme fears of adults while others become overly trusting or dependent as they seek reassurance that they won’t be left again.
These children may “test” your love and fidelity with tantrums, defiance, or aggression in an effort to seek reassurance. This reflects the child’s attempt to understand whether the adults in their life are truly safe, reliable, and committed.
Real & Lasting Hope
The effects of abuse and abandonment can be severe and long-lasting. And the healing journey often requires time, therapeutic support, and the rebuilding of your child’s sense of safety.
Thankfully, there is also the real and lasting hope in Christ that is an anchor to the soul and hurting heart of a child in crisis. And you, mom, dad or caregiver can instill this Hope to help your child heal and recover.
Remember, in this series we learned that resilience could grow even amid difficult situations. God is a redeemer and a restorer. He knew your child before they were born. At the moment of conception, He knitted them in their mother’s womb and spoke into their souls a future and filled with hope.
As you guide your child through their journey of healing and recovery, always make time to speak the real and lasting Hope of God’s Word into their hearts, souls, and minds. Be intentional about instilling the promises of His Word with bold faith as you go both about your everyday moments at home, on your way to school, attending church services and sharing Bible stories, cooking, cleaning, and of course, playing together.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Abuse and abandonment can impact children’s mental, physical, and emotional development. However, a loving and consistent caregiver can help rebuild their sense of safety and remind them of the real and lasting hope of God’s Word and its power to heal.
ACTIVITY
Car rides and on-the-go moments can be great times to teach simple self-regulation techniques. A simple game like Breathe and Believe can teach children tools to self-regulate that they can practice and use anytime they are feeling overwhelmed. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ Collection.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- How have abuse and abandonment impacted my child?
- Starting today, how can I help restore hope and healing to my child using the powerful Word of God?
KEY VERSE
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
~ Psalms 34:18 (NLT)
PRAYER
Heavenly Father, you are the restorer and the redeemer. Nothing is impossible for you. We know you are with us in every situation, and we ask you with great faith to heal what is broken, restore what was lost, and to redeem our child. In the mighty name of Jesus.
