Adolescence is a time of transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s also the time that teens test and work out their identity. This includes their beliefs, values, goals, and having personal control over their choices.
In the life of teenagers who are still developing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, trauma can leave deep wounds. As caregivers, you can help your teens begin collaborating with the Holy Spirit in rewriting their story through the lens of who God says they are.
While the enemy came to steal, kill and destroy, we know Christ came so that we could have life, and have it abundantly. And the abundant life your teens can experience is found in both faith in God and the real and lasting hope of His faithful Word.
Below are three keys to supporting your teens in building identities rooted in Christ, rather than in their pain, and in the lies the enemy wants them to adopt.
Understanding Trauma and Identity Distortion
Trauma affects more than just behavior. It can whisper lies that shape a teens’ internal narratives:
- “I’m broken”
- “It was my fault”
- “I’m not good enough”
- “I’m unlovable”
Over time, these lies can become the foundation for how they see themselves.
Healing begins with identifying and naming the false beliefs teens carry.
As foster parents or family caregivers, it is important to always recognize that behind many behaviors—like defiance, isolation, or emotional outbursts—are these painful underlying beliefs.
Rather than dismissing them with “That’s not true” or “It’s not your fault,” join them with empathy. Try responses like:
- “That sounds so heavy to carry. I’m really glad you told me.”
- “I can see how that experience made you feel that way.”
- “Let’s talk about what God says about you and your worth.”
Introducing God’s Narrative of Identity
The most powerful antidote to shame is truth. Help your teen replace the lies with God’s truth about their identity:
- Loved – “For I am convinced that neither death nor life… will be able to separate us from the love of God…” (Romans 8:38-39)
- Chosen – “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world… In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ ” (Ephesians 1:4-5)
- Forgiven – “In him we have redemption… the forgiveness of sins…” (Ephesians 1:7)
- Made New – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come…” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- God’s Workmanship – “For we are God’s handiwork…” (Ephesians 2:10)
Encourage making time for memorizing and meditating on these verses to help them internalize their God-given identity.
Invite Them into Ongoing Restoration
Identity is not just something we receive — it’s something we grow into. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Remind teens in your care (and yourself) that transformation is a process.
We know when trauma occurs in the context of relationships, healing must too. One of the most powerful ways to help a teen heal is through consistent, loving connection. You can strengthen your connection by:
- Being emotionally attuned and responsive
- Offering safety and consistency
- Setting boundaries with empathy
When teens experience a caregiver who mirrors the love of Christ, it creates new relational experiences that serve as protective factors against past wounds. From the abundance of God’s love for us, we can love our teens even in their darkest moments; “We love because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
Key Takeaway
When teens experience trauma, it can distort the way they view themselves and the world around them. Speak truth, offer presence, and reflect the love of Christ so they can begin to believe it for themselves. Shame may shout, but the voice of God is stronger, calling them beloved, chosen, and whole.
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. ~ John 10:10 (NLT)
APPLICATION
Every child is God’s unique creation. Help your children see all the ways God made them special by adding YOU-NIQUE! to your morning routine.
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