People often say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, but resilience is more than simply enduring hardship. Resilience is the ability to adapt, heal, and grow in the face of challenges and adversity.
Many of us have had moments where we’ve said to God “Okay God, I think I’m strong enough now, thank you!”. The good news is that we do not have to navigate hard moments alone or rely solely on our own strength. Through supportive relationships, healing environments and the presence of God, we can demonstrate resilience in the midst of our struggles.
This is true for us, as well as our children.
In Overcoming, written by renowned psychologists Nicole Gilbertson Wilke, PH.D. and Amanda Hiles Howard, PH.D., and published by CAFO, a HopeConnect™ strategic partner, the authors share that resilience is composed of two primary ingredients: challenges and protective factors.
In part two of our Resilience Series: Strengthening; Your Child’s Ability to Overcome Trauma, you will learn three ways to strengthen your child’s resilience, a critical skill they need to learn to thrive in this broken world.
Resilience for Kids: Why It’s Important
God always has a divine plan and purpose. Tough times are not meant to destroy us, but to refine us to be used for God’s ultimate glory.
According to Drs. Wilke and Howard, challenges can create negative short- and long-term outcomes for children, and lead to negative behaviors that can have negative consequences.
Challenges can include things like:
- Abuse
- Neglect
- Violence
- Exploitation
- Natural Disasters
While we can’t prevent children from experiencing challenges, we can help them move towards their potential so that these challenges do not define them.
In other words, shore up your child’s perseverance mindset by saying to them, “You are not what happened to you. That was an experience, not your identity.
The Connection Between Resilience and Love
Resilience doesn’t develop in isolation. Research consistently shows that Stable and loving relationships are believed to be the single most important factor in helping a child build and strengthen resilience. Ideally, this relationship should come from parents or an adult caregiver.
Attachment forms as a result of the interaction between an infant and their primary caregiver. Healthy attachment is developed in children through the consistency of the caregiver’s nurturing response. I cry, you come. Over time, this predictability teaches a child that the world is safe, their needs matter, and they can rely on others.
When a caregiver is inconsistent or unavailable, it can lead to insecure or disrupted attachment patterns that will show up in childhood and beyond. Attachment is essential in forming relationships. The hopeful truth is that we have a perfect Creator, and He made it so attachment can be repaired through healing relationships and intentional connection.
As a parent or caregiver, you can help your child heal from a broken attachment bond through an intentional, consistent connection. Things like eye contact, listening, and even loving correction can help your child begin to form secure attachment patterns. Things like eye contact, listening, and even loving correction can help your child begin to heal attachment bonds.
Resilience grows when children face challenges with the support of a caring, consistent adult. It is the secure attachment and steady presence of a parent or caregiver that helps a child feel safe enough to cope, learn, and recover. Supportive relationships— your relationship with your child – provide the stability and hope they need to navigate challenges and respond to adversity in ways that lead to growth and resilience.
How to Nurture Resilience in Your Child
Here are 3 practical ways you can help your child build resilience:
1. Process It
Share with your child that it’s not necessarily what we go through in life, but how we process and make sense of it. Please read that again, and this time slowly! Help your child to process the event and recognize that they are not defined by what happened to them.
2. Learn from It
As your child begins to process, gently guide them toward healthy meaning-making and reflection. You can explore questions such as:
- What helped me get through the hard moments?
- Where did I see God’s comfort or strength show up for me?
- What can I learn from this experience?
3. Redeem It
Remind your child that their test becomes their testimony. Part of healing is discovering that our experiences, especially the painful ones, can allow us to have more compassion and understanding for others. Explore with your child how their story could help someone feel less alone one day.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Resilience grows when we face hard experiences with the support of caring, consistent relationships. With help, children can make sense of their pain, find hope in God’s presence, and discover how their story can bring encouragement to others.
ACTIVITY
Sometimes when we’re walking through difficult life events, we have trouble seeing beyond that. Help your child see beyond their trauma by playing Put on Your Faith Eyes. This can help your child to understand that sometimes we must go through adversities before we can claim the promises of God. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ collection.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- How can I help my child process their trauma and understand that God works all things out for their good?
- How can I help my child re-build attachment bonds that might have been broken?
KEY VERSE
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”
PRAYER
Father God, I know that there is always purpose in pain. Help me to understand your greater purpose when we walk through difficult situations and help my child understand how you can use these painful experiences for their good, and for your glory.
