Separation from siblings is a common experience of children entering foster care. As you can imagine, this can have an incredible emotional impact on children — not to mention the psychological repercussions of separation.
This can be especially true during the holidays because the occasions highlight the importance of family togetherness and shared traditions, making the absence of siblings all the more painful.
Read on to learn about the impact separating siblings can have on children in the foster care system, as well as ways you can advocate for the kids in your care.
The Importance of Sibling Bonds
Sibling relationships are some of the most important ones we carry with us from childhood to adulthood. In fact, for many people, sibling bonds are the longest-lasting relationships of their lives.
These relationships hold deep emotional and psychological significance for children. Siblings can be sources of stability and identity in times of upheaval—and for children who have experienced trauma at home, they can understand the challenges each other has gone through personally.
In many cases, siblings also play a protective role for one another. This is why separation from siblings in foster care can have such profound effects on all children involved.
Reasons for Separation of Siblings in Foster Care
While separating siblings might seem unfathomable to us, it’s actually quite common. According to Florida’s Child and Family Services Review, 35% of sibling groups that enter the foster care system end up being separated.
Here are some reasons why siblings might be separated once they enter foster care:
• Age differences
Foster homes are rarely licensed or able to take in a baby and a teen at the same time, even if they are siblings.
• Special needs
If one child has special needs and requires particular care, they will likely have to go to a specific foster home.
• Placement availability
Many foster families don’t have space in their homes or cars to care for multiple children, even if they want to.
• Relational dynamics
In some cases, siblings may need space apart to receive individualized support or to work through challenging dynamics in a safe environment.
Impact of Separation on Siblings
Children may experience intense grief, loneliness, and longing as they recognize their current separation, leading to heightened anxiety, sadness, and even behavioral challenges.
Here are a few more examples of the impact placing siblings in different foster homes can have on the children:
• Fear and worry
Older, parentified siblings may feel anxious not knowing if their brothers or sisters are safe and cared for.
• Loss of comfort and familiarity
Without their siblings, children may feel isolated and alone, missing the steady presence of someone who understands their shared experiences.
• Heightened behavioral challenges
Separation can increase stress and dysregulation, leading to more emotional or behavioral struggles.
These serve to amplify feelings of abandonment and isolation during what should be joyful times.
In addition, if siblings are separated and later need to be adopted, all individuals involved might have to make difficult decisions if that which can lead to the children being separated permanently.
How You Can Support Separated Siblings
As a foster parent raising a child who was separated from their siblings, here are a few ways you can support them:
- Make every effort to keep the siblings connected through frequent visits, video calls, sending photos and putting them in the same school/daycare if possible.
- Consider if your family can make room for siblings. While not always possible, it’s worth considering.
- Collaborate with your foster child’s sibling’s foster parents to ensure the children can still communicate and spend time together.
KEY TAKEAWAY
When siblings are separated in foster care, this can have a major impact on the children’s emotional health and behavior. However, by properly supporting your foster children, you can help them grow and maintain positive relationships with their brothers and sisters despite the distance.
ACTIVITY
Sometimes in life we feel like we’re on the mountaintop, and other times, we’re in the valley. Remind your child God is with them in both seasons by playing Mountains & Valleys at your next meal together. Find this game and more now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- Which support strategy can you use to help your foster child adjust to being away from their siblings?
- What is one way you can help your foster child connect with their sibling this week?
KEY VERSE
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” ~John 13:34 (NLT)
PRAYER
Dear Lord, thank you for loving me enough to die for me. Please show me how to best love my child, their sibling and their sibling’s foster parent so they can grow and heal through this traumatic experience. In Jesus’ name, amen.
