In the 1970’s, there were some children’s toys called Weebles. The Weebles would spin around and wobble, but they would never fall or stay down. This led to a popular song that was sung about these toys, “Weeble’s wobble, but they don’t fall down.”
The same could be said for a resilient child.
When we think about building resilience in children, we usually consider ways to support them through their adversity. In this article, we’ll shift our focus from supporting children through adversity to strengthening the relationships around them.
In the book Overcoming, written by renowned psychologists Nicole Gilbertson Wilke, Ph.D. and Amanda Hiles Howard, Ph.D., and published by CAFO, our strategic partner, the authors discuss the impact of early childhood adversity and trauma. Early adversity is referred to as “negative experiences or events during childhood that require children to make psychological or behavioral adjustments.” These negative experiences put the child’s body in a state of stress.
In this third part of our Resilience Series, you’ll learn how having a strong “village mentality” can help your child become more resilient.
Resilience and Attacks Against Our Children
There are more threats today than ever before that come up against our children. Dangers lurk not only in the physical world, but through almost constant access to the digital world. Remember, the enemy is always on the attack, “He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” ~1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)
The impact of the attack on our children later comes down and shows up in the form of negative behaviors, poor outcomes, and increased mental health issues.
Prolonged states of stress can have severe mental and psychological effects. Early adversity and trauma can change the path of a child’s brain, but how can we stop it from changing the path of a child’s life?
Resilience or the ability to overcome adversity is often found in the Hope of God’s Word and the Homes of God’s people and Healing of God’s Touch in therapy.
“Village Mentality” and Healthy Relationships for Kids
They say it takes a village to raise a child; it also takes a village to rebuild one.
The process of rebuilding connections in a child’s life requires a team approach. We know that a strong caregiving relationship can help a child develop resilience. Speaker and foster care alumnus Josh Shipp is quoted in Overcoming as saying “Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.”
The Bible tells us in Deuteronomy 32:30 (NLT), “one person [can] chase a thousand of them, and two people put ten thousand to flight”. Surrounding yourself and your child with a strong support system ensures that you both have the help you need to be encouraged and restored! This network can grandparents, cousins, teachers, mentors, and your church community if they are safe influences.
How to Surround Your Children with Supportive Adults
We live in a world that is hyper-individualized, and it might seem like the village mentality that existed in previous generations has disappeared.
But that’s not true.
With a little intentionality and a lot of prayer, you can work to grow your social network to include healthy relationships. Here are some simple daily routines you can incorporate into your schedule to help build social connections for both you and your child:
1. Extended Family Connections
Invite your child to choose one person (friend or family) to pray for each day. Extend family connections by encouraging extended family (yours and theirs, if appropriate) to get involved through visits, letters and emails, family reunions and holiday gatherings.
2. Mentors and Other Diverse Relationships
Have a ‘daily check-in’ with one safe person (maybe a sibling, cousin or mentor), using any mode of communication. Mentorship and other social connections can happen formally through programs or informally through school, church, sporting activities, hobbies, or friends.
3. Build Social Skills
Ask your child one question daily about someone they know or sit with at lunch or at church. If they don’t know the answer, encourage them to find out. The digital age has given us access to people worldwide, but children today sometimes lack the social skills to foster relationships (think ‘cancel culture’). Help your child learn to communicate consistently, resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and practice empathy. These skills are essential for making and keeping meaningful friendships.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Early childhood trauma negatively impacts children’s behaviors in later life, but strong support networks—family and others—help to build and strengthen resilience in children.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- In what ways has early childhood trauma or adversity impacted my child?
- How can I build a strong network around me to support me in caring for this child?
ACTIVITY
Encourage your child to Think, Share, Care! This quick and easy game encourages your child to start asking questions to those in their circle to learn more about them. At the same time, your child can answer the same questions about themselves to help build connections with others. Find this game and more in our Everyday MomentsTM collection.
KEY VERSE
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
~Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT)
PRAYER
Father God, please help me cultivate strong and safe relationships with those who can help me parent and care for my child well. And help me also be supportive to another parent.
