One of our greatest desires as parents is to feel seen, heard, and understood.
Children share this same desire. Also, they crave this special type of connection from their parents.
However, sometimes truly understanding your child can feel impossible, especially when it comes to interpreting their behavior and deciphering their moods. The good news is that understanding becomes more accessible when we practice attunement.
If you’re wanting help with understanding your child and connecting with them more effectively, practicing attunement is a great place to start. In the sections below, we’ll explore what attunement is and how you can begin strengthening this skill today.
This is article 2 in our 13-part series, Intentional Parenting: Your Emotional Presence. Missed the first article? Click here to read it now.
Attention vs. Attunement
Despite how similar they seem, paying attention to your child and understanding them (attunement) are two different things.
Attention is when we notice or acknowledge something. Attention says, “I see you.”
Attunement is when we share in and understand someone’s feelings, seeing beyond the physical. Attunement says, “I feel this with you; I’m with you.”
While attention helps children feel noticed, attunement helps them feel understood. Attunement transforms attention into connection—and connection is essential for emotional safety, trust, and healing, especially for children who have experienced trauma.
3 Steps to Practice Attunement with Your Children
Being attuned to your child brings meaningful rewards to your relationship. Cultivating attunement is simple with a little intentionality – all it takes is small, daily steps. Follow this three-step strategy to help you become more attuned to your child and understand them better.
- Slowdown. Take time to notice changes in your child’s body language, tone, and level of eye contact. Each of these is a clue about how they might be feeling.
- Stay present. When you speak with your child about how they’re feeling, put away all distractions so you can focus entirely on your conversation and their unspoken communication.
- Mirror their emotions. If your child’s excited, share their enthusiasm. If they’re quiet, soften your tone and slow down. Show you understand their feelings by meeting them where they are.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Attunement to your child means slowing down, noticing the small cues, and moving away from parenting on autopilot to truly seeing and understanding what your child is feeling beneath the surface.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- What are the emotions underneath my child’s behavior?
- How can I truly see and feel my child’s emotional experiences?
ACTIVITY
God is attuned with your child. He made them special, on purpose, and with a purpose. A game like You-Nique! shows your child how special they are in the eyes of their Father God. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ activity collection.
KEY VERSE
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” ~James 1:19 (NLT)
PRAYER
Lord, you know the innermost part of this child. Help me to see them with and through your eyes of faith, grace and love, being attuned to every need, as you are attuned to my every need.
