Your teen comes home late from school without having told you he’ll be arriving later than normal. Or maybe your child rolls their eyes and ignores your request to turn off the TV because it’s dinner time.
Both of these circumstances are common, and they present a wonderful opportunity to help children develop a better understanding of the importance of respect.
Whether you’re dealing with a child who consistently talks back or one who appears to have a general disinterest in rules, here are three simple ways to foster respect at home.
Modeling Respect at Home
Enriched by years of application in family counseling settings and great research surrounding the authoritative style of parenting, Dr. Daniel P. Huerta, Vice President of Family and Youth at Focus on the Family, a strategic partner of HopeConnect™, explains the importance of respect in families. In his book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting, Dr. Huerta offers three tips for teaching children about respect.
As a parent, you have the privilege of managing the climate in your household. Children mimic what they see their parents practice. The change will start with you. You can increase your children’s respect for you and others by modeling these behaviors:
- Remember each other. Children and adults feel seen, valued and respected when they feel important. Remembering the date of your child’s big test, soccer game, or recital is a way to show respect and communicate to your child “What matters to you matters to me.”
- Be present. When was the last time you looked your child in the eyes during a conversation? In today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world it is easy to be with our families without being truly present. Slow down, step away from your laptop or phone and enter your child’s world. Ask them questions about their lives and express genuine interest to show them that you respect their reality.
- Renew your mind. Respect for others begins in our minds. Train yourself to take your thoughts captive and reframe the way you think about others, especially in times of stress or conflict. Be mindful of how you speak about others in front of your child; your tone and words provide a blueprint for how they will treat others too.
Give Respect to Get Respect
Depending on how you were raised, you might believe children should have respect for parents or other adults simply because they are older than them. But in reality, respect is not something that can be demanded. It must be modeled and nurtured through healthy, nurturing relationships.
From a trauma-informed perspective, disrespectful behavior is rarely just about “bad manners” or defiance. Instead, it’s often a sign that a child is feeling unseen, unsafe, overwhelmed, or powerless. For children from hard places, disrespect may actually be a protective strategy developed from past experiences where trusting adults wasn’t safe. Rather than immediately focusing on the behavior itself, effective parents pause to explore what’s going on beneath the surface.
Remember respect is a two-way street – the most effective way to get respect is to give it first. And when you consistently show respect to your child, you will help them internalize and mirror that same behavior.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Children—especially those who have experienced trauma—learn respect when they feel respected. By creating emotionally safe, connected relationships and modeling these three strategies for your children you’ll see your child’s capacity for respectful connection with you, their peers, and family members grow in meaningful ways.
“Respect everyone and love the family of believers. Fear God and respect the king.” ~1 Peter 2:17 (NLT)
APPLICATION
Respect is easier to give when you remember everyone is made in the image of God. Help your child remember how special God made them by playing You-nique! the next time you’re getting ready for school in the morning. This no-prep game makes it easier for your child to see all the unique skills and qualities God gave them.
Find this game and more now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
