“Stop crying! Don’t be a baby!”
How often did we hear these same lines growing up?
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that encourages us to not feel what we’re feeling — especially if it’s a negative emotion.
But as parents, we have the power to change the narrative for our children.
Validating your child’s feelings allows them to demonstrate genuine emotional expression, and it gives them permission to feel their feelings without shame or defensiveness. Read on to learn how to start practicing this at home.
This is article 4 in our 13-part series, Intentional Parenting: Your Emotional Presence. Want to start the series from the beginning? Click here to read the first article now.
What It Means to Validate Your Child’s Feelings
At its most basic level, validation is when you recognize, accept, and acknowledge your child’s experience or perspective of an event.
It does not mean you agree with their perception, nor does it mean that their perspective is reality.
Validation is simply asking yourself if you can understand how they might have felt under the circumstances they described.
When you validate your child’s feelings, you communicate that their feelings are real for them, and whatever they feel is worthy of your attention and respect.
Furthermore, validating your child’s emotions helps them feel seen and understood. It can also help them build trust and connection.
Tips for Validating Your Child’s Emotions
The best way to validate your child is to try and understand what they might be feeling (even if they don’t state it outright) and then remember a time when you might have felt the same way.
Here are some examples of validating statements you can use in your next conversation with your kids:
- “I can understand why you felt that way...”
- “Anyone in your position might react that way....”
- “You’re not wrong to feel that way....”
- “That feeling totally makes sense to me...”
When done intentionally, validation rebuilds safety, reduces shame, encourages healthy expression of emotion and models compassion and the love and acceptance we receive from God.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Validating your child’s emotions allows them to honestly express their emotions, which creates a safe space for your child to show up authentically.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- How can I validate my child’s emotions in a way that makes them feel seen and heard?
- How can I detect my child’s underlying emotions so that I can reflect and validate them?
ACTIVITY
God listens to our worries and fears and never invalidates our emotions. Playing a game like Hear, Here is a simple way to demonstrate to your child just how important their feelings are to God.
Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™activity collection.
KEY VERSE
“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep." ~Romans 12:15 (NLT)
PRAYER
Father God, thank You for allowing me to come to You with all my raw emotions. You receive them with care and without judgment. Please help me to do the same for my hurting child. In Christ I pray, Amen.