As caregivers, knowing how to speak with your kids about difficult topics is critical if we want to maintain trust with our children. A lot of times, kids know there’s a problem before we tell them.
They feel it in the people around them. They see it on our faces, understand that something has changed, hear the slight shakiness in our voices, and notice the avoidance in eye contact and touch.
If we continue to hide the reason for the change, they will feel insecure — and this insecurity will usually result in behavioral changes on the child’s part. For these reasons, it’s important to know how to speak with your kids about difficult topics. These tips will help you navigate the trickiest conversations with honesty, humility and grace.
Tips for Speaking with Kids About Difficult Topics
We need to be frank with our kids. Children are incredibly perceptive, and they already know something is wrong before we say anything – so we might as well come out with it. Here are some tips to help you navigate these hard conversations.
- Prepare yourself first. Pray. Wait until the time when you can have some control over your anxieties and when you have a good idea of what you are going to say to your child before you begin the conversation.
- Get the facts right. Gather all of the information you can before sharing it with your kids. You want to provide them with the truth, not hearsay or misinformation. It’s better to delay a conversation until you have all the facts rather than tell your children something that isn’t true.
- Be honest. Don’t make things up because you are trying to protect your kids. Instead, be honest. They are better off with the truth — no matter how difficult — than a lie that might cause mistrust in the future.
- Prepare answers for potential questions. Based on the information you’re going to share with your children, they will likely have questions. Prayerfully prepare potential responses so you’re ready when it’s time to speak.
- Give age-appropriate information. Consider your children’s physical and emotional age before sharing information. Think about how they usually react to bad news and decide how much you’re going to tell them before the conversation begins.
- Tell them the news face-to-face. If your children are very young, get on the floor with them so you can maintain eye contact during the conversation. Even for older kids, make sure you have important discussions in person.
- Give them enough time and space to process the news. Just like adults, kids need time and space to digest new information. Give your children the time they need to sit with your news and allow them to ask questions once they’ve processed.
- Be positive. Even in the bleakest conversations, assure your children that you are there to help them through this new situation.
- Keep them close. Even in catastrophic events, it is best not to send children away. This causes increased anxieties. As much as possible, keep your kids with you during difficult seasons of life.
- If this is a newsworthy event, avoid the 24/7 news cycle. Only check the news a few times per day. Keep up to date, but don’t allow nonstop reporting to consume you or your kids.
- Keep communication open. Assure the children or teens that you want to hear their concerns and that they can come and talk to you about the topic again whenever they have questions.
- Pray without ceasing. Ask for God’s guidance and protection. None of this was a surprise to Him — even if it caught you off guard. He knows how to handle the situation, so remain in contact with the King of the Universe during these difficult times. Encourage your child to do the same. Remember, God promised not only to hear our prayers, but to answer them before we stop speaking (Isaiah 65:23 NLT).
KEY TAKEAWAY
Knowing how to talk to your kids about difficult topics can be challenging. Lean on God for support and use your prayer time to ask Him to guide you and your family through the circumstances that lie ahead.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)
APPLICATION
It’s easy to see a scratch on your child’s knee from falling during recess or a bruise on their shin from a big soccer game — but inside boo boos are harder to spot. Encourage your child to talk about their inside and outside hurts with Bedtime Band-Aids.
Find it now in the Everyday MomentsTM activities collection.
