It’s a typical Friday afternoon, and your child just got home from school. It’s finally the weekend, and you’ve made exciting plans for your family to celebrate the end of a busy week.
But your child is in a funk.
They’re quiet and sulking in their room—or worse, they’re full of snide comments and are arguing with you or their siblings.
As a single parent, it’s easy to take our children’s responses personally and create a false narrative about why our kids are acting in a certain way. And that’s when we give the enemy a foothold. Then, the lies start piling in, and, before we know it, it’s almost impossible to separate facts from fiction.
If you’ve ever fallen down this rabbit hole, you’re not alone. The enemy is persuasive, but he isn’t exactly creative. In fact, he often uses these five Rs to strain our relationships with our loved ones.
Here’s how they look.
This article is #4 of a 10-part series designed to give single moms actionable tips to help you navigate single parenthood with more patience, gentleness and grace. If you missed the first article, you can read it here.
The 5 Rs
In The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells, the authors outline the five Rs that spell destruction to relationship in detail. Here they are and how they play out in the scenario above:
- Rejection: When your child doesn’t seem excited to participate in your weekend plans, it’s easy to feel like they’re rejecting you.
- Resentment: Over time, this perceived feeling of rejection can turn into resentment because you don’t believe they want to spend time with you. Or you think they don’t appreciate you.
- Resistance: When you start to feel resentment toward someone, you don’t want to spend time with them. So, you resist engaging with them, which creates a wall between you.
- Revenge: In an effort to make the other person hurt like you do, you engage in revengeful behavior. This causes further distance between you both.
- Repeat: Without reflection, support, and intentional repair, this pattern can repeat. Bring this dynamic to light and surrender it to God, to avoid the relationship being broken beyond repair.
How to Repair the Relationship with Your Kids
As a single parent, you’re constantly “on” – responsible for every aspect of your child’s well-being. Amid that constant demand, it’s easy to slip into this cycle without realizing it. While this can feel discouraging, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck there forever.
If you recognize elements of this five-R cycle showing up in your relationship with your child, there is hope. God can help being repair and restoration to your relationship with your kids. In fact, you’ve already taken the first step — simply noticing this pattern is already a meaningful move toward healing.
Once you become aware that this cycle is showing up in your family, take time to bring it before God. Invite Him into the places where you feel stuck, weary, or overwhelmed, and receive His grace and forgiveness. Ask your children for forgiveness, too. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower and guide you as you build new, healthier patterns of communication rooted in connection, safety, and mutual respect.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Believing the five Rs as a single parent can cause unnecessary conflict in our families. And, when unresolved, they can cause lasting damage. Ask God to help you see where you are falling into this cycle and ask Him to help you choose a different way of thinking.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- Where does your child’s relationship feel strained or broken? Ask God to show you.
- What is one step you can take this week to start repairing your relationship?
ACTIVITY
As adults, we have had years to accumulate tools to help us manage our emotions. But sometimes, our children don’t have these strategies. If your toddler or child struggles with managing their anger or sadness — and it often comes erupting out of them at once — play Stuffed! at your next meal together. This easy game teaches our children the importance of managing emotions, so we don’t become so full of them, we burst. Find this game and more now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
KEY VERSE
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” ~Romans 12:18 (NLT)
PRAYER
Dear Lord, thank You for giving me the gift of my children. Please teach me how to live at peace with them. In Jesus’ precious name, amen.
