Boundaries.
Depending on how we were raised, this can feel like a dirty word. However, as a parent, having loving boundaries with our kids isn’t just necessary — it’s Biblical.
Creating healthy boundaries in our families takes proactivity and intention. And one of the challenging things about boundaries is you might not know you need them until one has been crossed.
If you feel yourself in need of creating stronger limits with your children, you’re not alone. Here are some simple strategies you can start using to create healthy boundaries today.
Healthy Boundaries at Home
Enriched by years of application in family counseling settings and great research surrounding the authoritative style of parenting, Dr. Daniel P. Huerta, Vice President of Family and Youth at Focus On The Family, a strategic partner of HopeConnect™, shares seven key traits parents can develop to become more effective caretakers, mentors and leaders for their children.
One of these is boundaries.
In his book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting, Dr. Huerta explains how the boundaries you set and keep at home “guide where your family and your children place their focus, their time, and their energy.”
As the parent and leader of your household, you decide what boundaries you want to establish. In reality, boundaries are much simpler than we make them seem—they’re merely limits that guide what is acceptable behavior and what will not be tolerated in a community.
As you start establishing new rhythms for your family, allow the following questions to guide you:
1. What do I want to be true for my family?
Consider what Biblical values you want to prioritize for your children.
2. Where can I see a limit is necessary?
If you disagree with the way your children talk to one another or they’re spending too much time playing video games, it might be time to put a boundary in place.
3. How will I enforce the boundary?
Have an honest conversation with your children before you put a boundary in place and explain what consequences will follow if a boundary is not respected.
Setting boundaries can be intimidating at first, but they are necessary to create a loving, safe home for your children.
KEY TAKEAWAY
As parents, we’re responsible for creating and enforcing healthy boundaries for our children. Consider the Biblical principles you want to teach your children and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you start establishing good boundaries in your family. And remember — our loving God gives us limits, too, so we can do the same for our children.
ACTIVITY
If you’re raising a child who has experienced trauma, bedtime can be a challenging part of the day. Help them to relax and unwind for a good night’s rest by playing Flashlight Tag in the evening. Find this game and more now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- What is one area where you can start setting boundaries with your children today?
- Do you have an accountability partner? Prayerfully identify one person who can help you hold your new boundaries with your children.
KEY VERSE
Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.
PRAYER
Dear Lord, please help me to set boundaries with my children that are loving, appropriate and honoring to You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
