From the minute our children are born, they’re constantly growing and learning how to become the people God purposed them to be.
None of us are perfect, so it makes sense they’d make some mistakes along the way.
In these moments, we, as parents, need to extend grace and forgiveness to our children. Here are some tips to help you get started.
How to Forgive and Offer Grace at Home
Enriched by years of application in family counseling and great research surrounding the authoritative style of parenting, Dr. Daniel P. Huerta, Vice President of Family and Youth at Focus On The Family, a strategic partner of HopeConnect™, shares seven key traits parents can develop to become more effective caretakers, mentors and leaders for their children.
The seventh of these is grace and forgiveness.
In his book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting, Dr. Huerta explains that forgiveness can be best described as a “gift.” And in a lot of circumstances, forgiveness benefits us, the forgiver, as much as it benefits the person we’re forgiving.
While it isn’t always easy to extend grace to our children and offer forgiveness, here are four strategies you can use to help:
1. Pray for help.
Ask God to empower you to extend forgiveness and grace to your loved ones. We can only offer such radical love through Him, so ask for his supernatural ability to forgive those who wronged you.
2. Ask questions.
Extending grace is easier when we understand the other person’s perspective. Ask open-ended questions to help you understand how your child reached the decision to commit the act that offended you.
3. Confess your sins to God.
Confession should be a daily part of our Christian lives, but it’s especially important to do when we’re seeking to forgive others. As God moves in your heart to forgive your child, ask Him to show you where you need forgiveness, too.
4. Have a reset.
Don’t be afraid to ask for a do-over or offer one to your child as you move toward reconciliation. Starting afresh can help you and your child make better choices moving forward.
Seven Traits of Highly Effective Parenting Series
Below are links and summaries to the previously published articles in our seven-part series.
1. Adaptability
Adaptable parenting requires a willingness to grow, reflect, and respond with flexibility rather than rigidity — especially in moments of stress or challenge. When parents practice a flexible mindset, consider the bigger picture, embrace growth, and adjust their approach over time, they create a supportive environment that meets their child’s evolving emotional and developmental needs. \
2. Respect
Children—especially those who have experienced trauma—learn respect when they feel respected. By creating emotionally safe, connected relationships and modeling these three strategies for your children you’ll see your child’s capacity for respectful connection with you, their peers, and family members grow in meaningful ways.
3. Intentionality
Intentional parenting requires dedication, vision, humility, and consistency. Mercifully, we can receive all these things from God. The Lord wants us to be intentional in the words we use and the environments we create for our children. If you’re struggling in any of these areas, pray to your Father in heaven for guidance and help. He is faithful to deliver. And always remember — God is ultimately in control.
4. Steadfast Love
Steadfast love and the ability to show our children this type of dedication can only come from God. If you’re struggling in this area, you’re not alone. Ask Him to remind you of His unending love for you and to equip you with the ability to love your children in this way. He is faithful to help us when we ask.
5. Boundaries
As parents, we’re responsible for creating and enforcing healthy boundaries for our children. Consider the Biblical principles you want to teach your children and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you start establishing good boundaries in your family. And remember — our loving God gives us limits, too, so we can do the same for our children.
6. Gratitude
Being a grateful parent takes practice. With these five effective strategies, you can start practicing gratitude for parents today and modeling it for your children.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Grace and forgiveness aren’t always easy to give, but they’re necessary components of building strong, healthy families.
ACTIVITY
Bring an unexpected moment of joy during your next laundry day by playing Sock Toss Showdown with your children. Find this game and more now in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection!
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- How can I model asking for forgiveness from my children to create an environment of freedom, connectedness, and love in our home today?
- In what ways can I intentionally extend grace and forgiveness to my child when they make mistakes to help them learn how to rebuild trust and move forward?
KEY VERSE
“and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”
PRAYER
Dear Lord, please empower me to be a model of forgiveness in my own home. Please teach me how to extend grace and forgiveness to my children so they can share it with others. In Jesus’ name, amen.
