Being a single parent is hard — but sometimes, raising your child with another adult can feel even harder.
And when Mom and Dad have different parenting styles, this can easily translate into confusion for your child.
While co-parenting with different parenting styles can feel incredibly challenging, it’s possible to make it work if you have two adults who are willing to work together. You and your child’s other parent don’t need to be best friends. However, a willingness to communicate respectfully, and stay focused on your child's well-being is necessary to provide the stability a child needs to thrive.
What happens when two parents have different parenting styles?
Children thrive on consistent routine, consistent structure, and nurturing relationships. Together, these provide the safety and stability children need to grow emotionally, socially, and spiritually. When parents have very different parenting styles, children may struggle to know what to expect. Constantly shifting between different rules, routines, and responses can create confusion and increase stress.
This does not mean both homes must operate identically. However, when parents can provide similar expectations, communicate respectfully, and balance structure with warmth and connection, children are more likely to feel secure and better able to adapt to both environments.
Of course, children may sometimes express a preference for one home over another. Often this reflects differences in rules, chores or expectations . As parents, the goal is not to compete for our child's preference, but to work toward creating environments where they feel both loved and secure.
Here are 3 tips to help you navigate co-parenting with different rules and structure between homes:
3 Co-Parenting Tips for Single Parents
1. Communicate honestly with your child’s other parent.
Speaking with your child’s other parent might feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary to create clear routines and expectations for your child.
The conversation can be over text or a quick phone call, but use the time to discuss important topics like:
- Your child’s bedtime routine.
- What foods your child can and cannot eat.
Discussing these points in advance can help avoid confusion and missed expectations in the future.
2. Commit to positive speech only.
We are all imperfect people, and there will come a time when you become frustrated with your child’s other parent. Maybe they gave your child more sweets than you would have liked, or they allowed them to stay up way past their bedtime.
In those moments, it can be easy to talk poorly about them. Don’t.
The Bible warns us to not let any foul language come from our mouths (Ephesians 4:29). Not only is this type of speech unprofitable for you and your child’s other parent, it ultimately harms your child.
Speak life into the situation, even when you are frustrated. And when your anger and disappointment have grabbed ahold of you, take it to God in prayer — not your family.
3. Focus on what you can control.
Regardless of how you wish things could be different, having shared custody of your child means there are some aspects of parenting you simply cannot control.
In most cases, how your child’s other parent runs their household is one of the things that are outside of your sphere of influence.
This is a hard reality for many single parents, but instead of dwelling on what you can’t control, focus on what you can.
Prayerfully ask God to help you establish life-giving routines in your own home and ask Him to guide you as you create a loving, nurturing environment for your precious child.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Co-parenting with different parenting styles is challenging. However, when you and your child’s other parent are able to communicate differences and clearly establish boundaries and expectations, your child greatly benefits.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- What is your parenting style? Take a few minutes to identify your child’s other parent’s parenting style, too. How are they similar and different?
- Consider the issues that have come up due to your different parenting styles. How can you create clearer expectations moving forward?
ACTIVITY
Having strong routines at home is fundamental for children’s mental and emotional health. Create strong spiritual routines of thanksgiving and gratitude by playing Build a Blessing Burger at your next mealtime together. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ activity collection.
KEY VERSE
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” ~Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT)
PRAYER
Dear Lord, please help me learn to co-parent effectively. Guide my child’s other parent and me with your loving kindness and truth. In Jesus’ name, amen.