Quick, look at your calendar.
In the U.S., Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away, and Christmas and New Year’s follow close behind.
Have you talked with your child’s other parent yet? If the thought of having a conversation about co-parenting during the holidays fills you with dread, this article is for you.
You still have time. Let’s use it well.
Your Child’s Co-Parenting Reality
For a child who has lived through the trauma of family separation, the stretch from Thanksgiving through New Year’s isn’t simply a festive season. It’s ten weeks of shifting homes, disrupted routines, and quiet grief for the family that once was.
This isn’t defiance or ingratitude — it’s biology.
Children who have experienced trauma carry real changes in their bodies, brains, behaviors, and belief systems. The holidays don’t create those changes but they can activate them. Our Heavenly Father “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and sees what your child is carrying, even when no one else at the table does.
Why Co-Parenting During the Holidays Begins in October
Waiting until the week before Thanksgiving or Christmas guarantees decisions get made by stressed, reactive adults. The antidote is early planning rooted in the one thing a trauma-exposed child’s nervous system craves above almost everything else: predictability.
Predictability helps create what trauma-informed professionals call felt safety. Felt safety goes beyond simply being physically safe. It is the internal experience of knowing what to expect, trusting that the adults are in control, and believing that your needs will be considered and protected. For children who have experienced trauma, uncertainty can feel threatening, even when no real danger is present.
And as single parents, I believe we also appreciate predictability. A holiday schedule communicated weeks in advance is a trauma-informed intervention. It tells your child’s nervous system the adults have a plan. You are safe.
Aim to have a basic co-parenting holiday schedule established by the end of October.
Before You Begin
Before you reach out to the other parent, pause.
Go in regulated, not reactive. Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) teaches that children heal within connected, trustworthy relationships — and that healing begins with adults willing to put a child’s needs ahead of personal grievance.
As Christians, we are also called to reflect the character of Christ in the way we interact with others. Scripture instructs us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). Even in difficult co-parenting relationships, we are called to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit: love, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and peace (Galatians 5:22-23).
James 1:5 promises that God gives wisdom generously to those who ask. Ask before you reach out. Pray for wisdom, not for winning.
How to Start the Holiday Co-Parenting Conversation
Let three words lead: our child needs. Choose a low-stakes format — a brief written message or short call — and center the conversation on three questions spanning all three holidays:
- What does our child need to feel safe during transitions?
- What are their current triggers we should both know about?
- How can both homes make the season feel predictable for our child?
To establish a functioning co-parenting plan for the holidays, you don’t have to be friends with the other parent — but you do need to be allies for your child.
Co-Parenting Tips During the Holidays
Once the conversation is open, share what actually works for your child in plain, practical terms. This helps your child have an emotionally safe holiday season.
Share a comfort object your child loves for Thanksgiving travel or offer a simple arrival routine for Christmas Eve. A quieter New Year’s Eve plan. Frame it generously: “Here’s what helps — I thought you’d want to know.”
When cooperation isn’t possible, focus on what you can control — your home. Make it a sanctuary. Reinforce felt-safety and connection around every transition and lean on a TBRI-informed therapist or your church community for support.
More Than a Co-Parenting Holiday Schedule
Immanuel — God with us — entered our world not when circumstances were ideal, but in the middle of displacement and uncertainty. He is no stranger to fractured family situations. He enters them.
This season, as you make the call, pack the bag and hold your child through every transition, remember you are not just managing a holiday calendar. You are building felt safety, one predictable moment at a time.
Start the conversation this week — your child is already counting down.
KEY TAKEWAY
The holidays might feel far away, but for children with separated families, consistency is important. Start planning your holiday co-parenting schedule now to ensure simple routines are in place for your child.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- What routines do you need to agree on with your child’s other parent?
- How can you make your child feel safe as they navigate two homes?
ACTIVITY
While traveling between houses, use your car ride to teach your child about the importance of prayer by playing Breathe and Believe. Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ activities collection.
KEY VERSE
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” ~James 1:5 (NLT)
PRAYER
Father, please give me wisdom as I navigate this season with my child’s other parent. Help me to glorify you in all interactions. In Jesus’ name, amen.