Doctors’ appointments.
Meetings with teachers.
Preparing for the therapist’s visit.
Some days it feels like your entire life is a checklist with a long string of tasks, responsibilities, and appointments to do, do, do for your child.
You might begin to wonder:
When do I get to simply enjoy my child again? How do I learn to appreciate my child again?
If you’ve found yourself caught up in the demands of everyday life and are longing to reconnect with your child and love them unconditionally and wholly, just as God created them, read on.
This is article #7 in an 8-part series entitled Compassionate Parenting. If you missed the first article, go back and read it here.
The Importance of Quality Time with Your Child
In the midst of daily chaos and responsibilities, it can be difficult to find time to demonstrate your love toward your children, appreciate your children, and enjoy quality time with your children. All too often, the weight of their needs can overshadow the sweetness of their presence.
And that can leave you feeling guilty, tired, and spiritually stretched thin.
It can turn love that was meant to be unconditional into one that’s full of conditions.
Quality time is important to have, but for children with a history of trauma, it’s not just a perk of having a caring family — it’s healing, regulating, and spiritually grounding. When a child’s earlier experiences taught them that adults are unpredictable, unavailable and unsafe, quality time helps them to rewrite that story.
How to Love My Child Unconditionally
There is no greater example of the value of quality time than Jesus. He went to Martha and Mary’s house, and without devaluing Martha’s service, He emphasized the importance of being attentive and being in relationship.
For a child with trauma, unconditional love is love that they don’t have to earn, love that won’t leave at the first sign of trouble, and love that feels consistent and safe.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “How do I love my children unconditionally?”, the answer may be simpler than it feels: spend quality time with them! By showing up with emotional presence, in those everyday moments of connection, your child begins to experience the kind of love that reflects the heart of God.
How do I spend quality time with my child?
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be difficult to find quality time with my child or to even know what that looks like. Some examples of quality time are:
1. At Home: You can turn everyday moments into connection by:
- Giving brief 10 second hugs
- Sharing a smile from across the room
- Saying verbal affirmations like “I’m glad we’re together!”, “I love spending time with you”
2. Bedtime: Spiritual moments point them to God’s love. You can:
- Pray together before bed
- Listen to worship music together
- Read a Bible verse together as a nighttime ritual
3. Chores: Make it quality time, even if you don’t have quantity time by:
- Do simple chores (like folding laundry) together
- Sit with them while they do homework
- Clean up together and chat
4. Mealtime: Sharing a meal is an opportunity to create intimacy and bonding.
- Having them stir something while you cook
- Help set the table
- Sit together and eat without electronic devices
5. On the Go: Being out in nature can help regulate the nervous system:
- Take a walk around the neighborhood or block
- Go for bike rides together
- Talk or sing during a car ride
6. Storytime: Use this time to slow down, breathe and reconnect
- Sit side by side
- Have them choose the book or story
- Share the best part of your day
These small, intentional moments of connection are what transform everyday routines into opportunities for your child to feel seen, valued, and deeply loved.
KEY TAKEAWAY
Finding quality time to spend with your child helps create safety and healing. Practice emotional presence at home by engaging in quality time with your children just like Jesus did during His ministry on earth.
ACTIVITY
Learn to enjoy and appreciate all the ways God made your child special by playing a game like You-nique! Find this game and more in the Everyday Moments™ activity collection.
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
- How can I learn to take time to enjoy and appreciate my child?
- How can I find time to spend quality moments with my child?
KEY VERSE
“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” ~ Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
PRAYER
Lord, teach me how to love my child the way You love me, steadily, unconditionally, and with grace that never runs out. And when I feel like I’m not enough, remind me that You are. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
